Why I don’t line manage
Getting my autism diagnosis was like finally finding the missing piece of a puzzle I didn’t know I was trying to solve. It made sense of so many challenges I faced in the workplace, especially when it came to management and interpersonal interactions.
Once I understood my neurodiversity, I made a decision: I would step away from traditional line management roles. Instead, I’d embrace a Subject Matter Expert (SME) position, where I could still support my team but without the weight of direct management on my shoulders. As a Data Analyst, I am lucky that there are plenty of roles in that direction.
Being autistic does NOT mean you should or could not line manage. Every autistic person is different, this is just my journey, and what works best for me.
Why was line management so hard?
For a long time, I thought line management was the path I was supposed to be on. I mean, isn’t that what success looks like in the workplace? But the reality was that the “people-ing” part of management was exhausting for me. All those soft skills felt like a foreign language I could never quite master. Even though I knew my stuff technically, I found myself drained after meetings, trying to read the room and decipher the emotional subtext that seemed to guide everyone else.
After my diagnosis, things finally made sense. I realised that managing people wasn’t just about the tasks at hand; it was the mental gymnastics involved in navigating social expectations and relationships. It wasn’t that I wasn’t good at my job—it was that these emotional demands were draining my energy and joy.
Feeling like I’ve lost something
I felt a bit of sadness and a sense of loss, like I was mourning the career path I had assumed I would take. It was tough to accept that my journey might look different from what I had always envisioned. The idea of stepping back from a traditional role felt daunting. Was I giving up? Should I just be trying harder?
But with that sadness also came a sense of relief. I could finally shift my focus to what truly excited me and where I could thrive. Embracing the SME role meant I could dive deep into my areas of expertise while supporting my teammates without the direct pressures of management hanging over me. Maybe success just looks different from what I’d imagined before.
Embracing my strengths as a subject matter expert
As an SME, I get to roll up my sleeves and dig into the work I love. I’m still able to contribute to and lead projects, troubleshoot issues, and provide training. The role allows me to interact with my colleagues on my terms. I can still mentor and support my peers without the added stress of performance evaluations or juggling direct reports.
I find so much joy in helping others develop their skills and confidence. But, by stepping back from the traditional management role, I can be more present for my team, offering support when needed without that taking more from me than I have to give.
A new path forward
It allowed me to reclaim my mental energy and focus on my strengths in a way that felt authentic. By embracing a Subject Matter Expert role, I’ve found a fulfilling path that aligns with my abilities and values.
This journey has taught me that understanding yourself is crucial, and success can mean a lot of different things. I’m grateful for the clarity my diagnosis has brought, helping me carve out a role that feels right for me. As I continue on this path, I aim to advocate for a workplace that embraces neurodiversity, allowing everyone to contribute and succeed in their unique ways.
Before, success seemed like climbing the career ladder… now, it seems like finding ways to stay well and motivated, not letting my work life rule my home life, and contributing to something I am passionate about, regardless of anything else.
January 2025
